My nipple is on Facebook.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
