I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
