I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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