so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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