mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
My hand turned me down
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
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