you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
