Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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