hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize