and you said cock pushups were impossible
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
