The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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