the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
