Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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