How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize