You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
