I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
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