State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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