moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
