I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Randomize
