I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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