the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
