dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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