In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
