I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
