I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
