a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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