Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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