Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
