I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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