apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
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