Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
