There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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