Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
