dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
