if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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