In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize