We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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