i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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