I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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