my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
