can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I bet he comes in French.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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