I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Randomize
