Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
