just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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