if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
