i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
