Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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