I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize