May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
