Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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