your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize