You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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