i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
