I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
