Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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