I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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