...so i touched it.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
she pinky promised me she was 18
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
