Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
