I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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