This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
