Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
