So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Randomize
