if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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