I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
