Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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