Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I want a musical about memes.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
