i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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