I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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