I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize