So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
