i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
