I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
