you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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