she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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