Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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