Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
