If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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