between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
