I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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