Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
