I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I want her autograph on my taint
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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