The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
