I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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