He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
