The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
