I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
