giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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