I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
