Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
