I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
