Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
