By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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