Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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