if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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