i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
