I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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