I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
there's paper in my vomit.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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