Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
